CRISPY TREAC FRIED CHICKEN
Ingredients:
• Chicken breast — sliced thin
• Cornflour
• Groundnut oil
• Rice
• Salt
• Black pepper
• Coriander
• Lime
• TREAC HELL TREAT
Method:
The Rice.
Very important. You don't want it to be sloppy and wet. Boil the rice for three minutes. Drain it hard. Cover with a towel and walk away. It will finish itself, quietly, with steam and patience. Loosen it with a fork every so often. You will know when it's ready.
The Chicken.
Slice thin, very thin. Use scissors!
Bury in cornflour.
Dry. Chalky. No mercy.
The Oil.
Heat your stainless steel pan. You shouldn't own any other pan. Throw some water in, when the water dances around like mercury you know that it is ready. Once the pan is ready pour a puddle of groundnut oil.
Lay the chicken flat, push it down. Season with sea salt and back pepper.
Don’t touch it. Flip once.
You want it to be crispy golden on both sides.
Remove from the heat when it turns hostile. It doesn't matter if it sticks, that's the good stuff.
The finale.
Kill the heat. Let the pan cool for a minute or two. Then add TREAC HELL TREAT. 1 spoon if you're afraid, 2 or more if you're brave.
(Don't be pathetic, I use 3).
Toss fast. Then get it the hell out of there.
Finish.
Chopped coriander and a squeeze of lime.
Eat while it’s loud.
Enjoy the burn.
TREAC GLAZED DUCK
Ingredients (1 bowl, dangerous):
- Duck stir-fry strips
- basmati rice
- Red pepper
- Tenderstem broccoli
- TREAC HELL TREAT – 1–2 big spoons
Method:
Rice first.
Begin with discipline.
Boil the rice for three minutes only - no more. Drain it hard.
Cover with a cloth and walk away.
It will finish itself, quietly, with steam and patience. Loosen it with a fork every so often. You are preparing a surface, not a feature.
Duck.
Stainless steel pan. No oil. None.
Heat it properly. Then the duck goes in decisively. Do not touch it too soon. Let it take colour, let the fat surrender.
When it has browned and spoken, lower the heat. Burnt fat is a sin. Rendered fat is a gift.
Remove from the pan.
Vegetables.
Peppers. Broccoli. In they go with the duck fat. Fast movement. High heat. Keep them alert. If the pan asks for mercy, add some butter, a splash of boiling water is allowed.
The Glaze.
Now stop.
Kill the heat completely.
Put the duck back in and add TREAC HELL TREAT.
Turn everything gently until the duck is lacquered sticky, dark, almost black at the edges. If it looks a little wrong, you’ve done it right.
Finish.
Spoon the whole affair over the rice.
Do not mix. Do not tidy.
Let the sauce bleed into the grains.
Alchemist’s Notes:
- One spoon = sticky, umami, controlled chaos.
- Two spoons = glossy, dark, borderline violent.
- If the bowl looks too clean, you’ve done it wrong.
This is not “sweet and sour duck”.
This is treacle-forward, savoury, heat-lurking duck.
TREAC HELL MUSHROOM MELT
Ingredients:
- 2 thick slices sourdough (Jason and the Argonauts).
- 80–100 g mature cheddar, grated or sliced.
- 1 handful mushrooms (chestnut or portobello), sliced.
- A generous block of butter.
- TREAC HELL TREAT — 1 small spoon (or more if you’ve made peace with yourself).
Method:
The Mushrooms.
Stainless steel pan. Generous butter.
Heat it gently, butter must foam, never burn.
Add the mushrooms and leave them alone until they turn gold and dangerous.
Remove them. Set aside. They’ve done their work. (That butter stays in the pan! While this happens, preheat the grill. It must be ready.)
The Bread.
Lay the sourdough straight into the mushroom fat. Press. Let it burn slightly.
You want colour. You want smoke. You want witnesses. Flip. Repeat. Sound the alarm alarm.
The Assembly.
With the bread still in the pan, pile on the mushrooms. Then the cheese. Generously, irresponsibly. Now take the pan and slide it under the grill.
Wait. Watch.
The cheese should bubble, blister, and lose its composure.
The Treacle.
Remove from the grill. Plate it up.
Now. and only now.
Drizzle or dollop TREAC HELL TREAT over the molten cheese.
Do not spread it. Let it choose its own path.
Finish.
Bring the slices together.
Slice once.
Stand back and watch it ooze.
Notes from the Alchemist:
If it looks too neat, you’ve failed.
This is not lunch. This is intent.
TREACY SMASH BURGER
Sticky sweet. Violent heat.
Ingredients (1 double smash burger)
- Japanese milk bun (or brioche if you must).
- Beef mince – 160 g total, 20% fat
(80 g per patty — this matters). - 2 slices burger cheese.
- ½ red onion.
- Red wine vinegar (enough to cover onions).
- TREAC HELL TREAT (go steady… or don’t).
- Salt (optional, the sauce does a lot of work).
Method
The Onions
Thinly slice the red onion as fine as you can. Drop into a bowl, cover completely with red wine vinegar, and leave for 10–15 minutes.
They should soften, sharpen, and lose their raw aggression. Drain just before assembly.
The Patties
Heat a dry stainless steel pan over high heat. After a couple of minutes, flick a few drops of water into the pan. If they skitter around like mercury, you’re ready. Split the mince into two loose 80 g balls. Do not overwork them.
Place the first ball into the pan and immediately SMASH with a burger press or heavy spatula. You want it paper-thin, wider than the bun, with ragged edges. Cook 60–90 seconds until the edges are dark, crisp, and lacy. Using a sharp metal spatula, scrape hard, flip once, and cook 30–45 seconds more.
Remove and repeat with the second patty.When you flip the second patty, add 1 slice of cheese. Stack the first patty on top, add the second slice of cheese. Splash a tablespoon of water into the pan and cover briefly until the cheese melts. Kill the heat.
The Assembly
Place the cheesy double stack on the bottom bun. Douse the patty with TREAC HELL TREAT — about 1 to 2 teaspoons.
Drain the onions and pile them straight on top.
Lid on.
Notes from the Alchemist:
If you’re feeling extremely irresponsible, mix 2 teaspoons of TREAC HELL TREAT directly into the mince before forming the balls.
You’ll get:
- Treacle caramelisation
- Dark, sticky crust
- Extra snap and burn at the edges
This is not beginner behaviour.
